This is How You Sing a Bond Song, Bitches!

I’m writing this post to calm down everyone who freaks out when I say Adele doesn’t know how to sing and needs vocal training. I think you’ll find that if you can stop feelin’ all butthurt for five minutes and actually digest what I have to say you’ll agree with me. 

Skyfall is not a good Bond song and here’s why:

It’s underwhelming. Did you see that video of Dame Shirley Bassey? Did you see how invested she was in that song? Did you HEAR how invested she was in that song? It’s simply stunning what she does with it. A good Bond song needs to crescendo. It needs to build in the verses and get you, the listener, titillated for what’s to come. And that’s the chorus. The chorus for a Bond them needs to explode. When this song is over, if you’re actually listening to her and watching her, you’re going to have goosebumps. It’s also good to note that not only did Shirley get a standing ovation, which I feel happens to often nowadays, but hers was immediate and spontaneous. People sprang from their seats to applaud her. Why? Because her voice made them get up and applaud her.

Adele-Skyfall

Now… we have Miss Adele. I need to point out that I don’t hate her. I think she has, or had, a fantastic voice. ‘Chasing Pavements’ and ‘Rolling in the Deep’ are amazing songs. She’s a great writer. However, Skyfall didn’t have the ability to fall from the sky because it was never taken there in the first place. The verses of the song are very good. I think she did a great job writing it. The verses and the piano give you a nice slow feeling of impending trauma. Then it happens. The chorus just flops in. The music swells and even she starts to swell and then flatly sings the chorus. It’s underwhelming. A Bond theme needs to be belted in the chorus. It needs to be audacious and dramatic and full of gusto. Because of the handling of the chorus Skyfall becomes the musical equivalent to blue balls. You leave feeling frustrated, angsty and unnerved. Why? Because she very well may have blown her voice.

ADELE NEEDS VOCAL TRAINING!

There. I said it and I’m not taking it back. I know what you’re thinking. Who are you to say that? What nerve do you have? Blah Blah Blah. (I hope you actually said blah blah blah) I am an artist. I’ve been singing since I was a small child and I have had vocal training so I kinda know a little about what I’m talking about. Adele sings incorrectly. She sings in such a way that she actually hurts her vocal chords, which is why she had to have throat surgery. If she doesn’t actually start singing properly she’ll be a lounge act by the time she’s 40 and everyone will be talking about how good she used to be. 

Still think I’m crazy? Here’s an article from The New Yorker titled: Is Adele Singing Tentatively?

They’re saying she sang ‘Skyfall’ tentatively at the Oscars compared to the official recording. I disagree. I think it’s pretty on par with the original recording.  Above I gave you a link to the original recording. Here’s her Oscars performance. Still think I’m crazy? That’s fine because Hollywood agreed with me as they did not give her a standing ovation.

Here’s another great example of a good Bond theme. The World Is Not Enough by Garbage